The Journal of the Maine Paranormal Society

Unemployed and free falling in life. I find myself wondering where currents in life are taking me. This is not the first time I have had to recreate myself. Deep down, I know it won’t be the last. Although I do wish more parents would tell their kids about this aspect of life. But then I see adults blind sided everyday with a changing world. Divorce, loss of a job, injury and death are all as reliable as taxes. Yet no one wants to talk about them.

With lack of communication our biggest flaw, I never thought MPS would fall victum to this ailing economy. But here it is. A lack of vehicles, no gas money, others working so many hours. They leave their shift at work just to turn around and investigate all night. Family units are stressed to the max. Disagreements and tension fraying the edges.

My view is this: Its not what happens to you, its what you do after it happens. I know it will all come out in the wash. We will be alright in the long run. Each time this has happened to me, I have come out of it a different but better person. I am intrigued and kind of excited to see where I am going. After all, I did ask for a sign if I was on the right path or not. (yikes!) I should learn to be more specific when asking things like that. Suggesting a new job offer to be a great sign I need to change paths would of been more productive. Meh…..live and learn.

I joined MPS for help, not career options. (Volunteer jobs usually don’t put bread on the table.) I found myself with some not so invisible friends. Seeing spirit as solid as you or me is mind blowing. And when you work alone on a 260 acre horse farm, its downright unsettling.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t question who he was or why I saw him. I was changing a horses blanket at 11pm. As I stood up from securing a blanket strap, I saw him pass by the stall. I noticed the horse lift his head and track the movement of this person too. I thought someone was in the barn. Being alone with no form of self defense, I ducked down and scrambled close to the wall. I peeked out the door but saw no one. Sliding the door open, I looked the length of the barn, again, no one. I searched the barn and came up empty. At that point my brain punched its time card for the day and on autopilot. I cruised out of the barn and headed home.

No spidey sense tingled. There was no feeling or warning that he was anything but human. I diligently asked the farm owner if anyone had stopped by, left a note, or even called saying ‘sorry I missed you’. She said no. I described the visitor. She didn’t recognize the features.

I worked very hard to ignore events like this. It wasn’t something I cared to pursue. But the experiences just got more vivid. Getting my hair cut at an aunt’s house. I had only been there once before when I had met the aunt for the first time. On that occasion her and my mother chatted away. On this night, mom could not make it. I sat quietly while she cut my hair.

I noticed a ball of light outside the window, above the kitchen sink. I watched it, up…..and down. Like someone was throwing a ball into the air, catching it, and launching it right back up. My aunt asked me to hold still. Oooops! I didn’t realize I had been watching it that intently. I wondered what I was suposed to do in this situation. How do you bring up the topic of ghosts?  Throwing caution to the wind, I asked her if she had a family ghost.

“Sure, doesn’t everyone?” She casually replied.

As soon as I had spoken. I got a picture in my mind of a man in a plaid shirt with tan coveralls. He lifted the handles of the wheel barrow, put it down, and lifted his hands shrugging. This made no sense to me. I struggled for meaning and finally in frustration. I asked her if they were working on something in the front of the house.

“Yes. We are putting in a walk way across the front of the house.” She answers.

Ok, progress. This was a message for her, not me. Thats why it made no sense to me at all. I decided to go for broke. “Whats wrong with the wheel barrow?” I innocently ask.

“Its got a flat tire.” She absently answers. Shes cutting and combing. Her hands slow and eventually stop. “You see him?’

“Maybe.” I add

She continues with my hair. Again, we are in silence. Once done, she sends me to the bathroom to see the new do. As I enter the hall I see one of those mini tables, just big enough for a phone to sit on. I move closer for a better look. I have always wanted one. As I get ready to ask her where she got it, I realize its moving. As I take a step backward, I see its a leg from the thigh down. Its knitting together like sand filling a clear plastic mold. I have asked enough questions to know a spirit showing itself in solid form is a high honor. One I wanted no part in. I turn and leave the area, not caring what my hair looked like.

As I beat  a hasty exit I glance into the den. There he stands, at the fire place, pointing at it. That one made my feet stop. It was fall and time to start lighting stoves and fire places. Was he warning of a chimney that needed sweeping? I asked her why he would be pointing to the fire place. She walks over, stands in the exact spot he stood, and points to the very same spot he was.

“The mantle is cracked. We have plans to fix it.” She answers.

I move my feet closer to the door. My body is co-operating, but my mind isn’t. “Why would he be pointing out all the repairs that are needed in the house?” my mouth betrays me.

The calm, quiet facade cracks and I see a tear. Crap, I think.

“My husband said he would fix these things before he left. He just up and packed his things today. I don’t know what I am going to do.”

With very little life experience on this topic, I was at a loss for words. I see something out of the corner of my eye. An image of a white candle buring in the window is taking shape in my mind’s eye. I ask her what the meaning of this is to her.

“Peace and love.” She sniffles.

“I would say he’s trying to tell you you’ll be just fine.” Again, my mouth betrays me.

She smiles and finds comfort from a source unknown to me. She returns to her cheerful self and chats about bumps in the night. Is it him? Why does he do it?

Again….the mouth. “Just talk to him.” I hear myself say.

I watch her mouth move but I don’t hear her words. I wonder why she accepts this experience without question. It seems perfectly normal to her. The practical side of me asks, was this all something she projected into the environment?  Or was this really communication with a third, some what unseen, being? I force the brain to punch ye old time card and I say my good byes.

This aunt never spoke a word of it to my mother. I have seen her once since the incident, at a funeral. No mention of it there  either. I am still asking why it was accepted so easily.

I happened across TAPS one night as I was channel surfing. I saw Eastern State Penitentiary episode. Seeing Jay and Grant moving toward shadows and noises, I was standing on my seat yelling “No!” “What the hell are you doing?!” I watched  the episodes for a couple of weeks. Trying to understand why they would do this. Slowly the science of it sank in.   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Its not easy for me to accept these events.  I am the type of person that needs to know why, how. To be honest, I saw how much they debunked. The hope of being debunked blossomed in my mind.  After some research, I learned there was a TAPS Family group in Maine. They were speaking at the Dyer Library in Saco. So I set out to ask for help. Again, I find myself facing people that are more accepting of these events than I am.

“Your a sensitive.” Came the answer.

“I don’t want to be. If you know of anyone that can help me, can you introduce me?” I pleaded.

The founder at the time just laughed. “It doesn’t work that way. But we will let you know.”

As I turned to leave. I find myself face to face with Jim. (Our current founder) He was an investigator on the team. I had worked with Jim for several years on the fire dept, never once speaking of this topic.  At the same time, we both said “I never knew you were interested in this sort of thing.”

Two weeks later, a reply came from the team. An offer to join them. As I tried to explain that I didn’t want this. The team explained that it just doesn’t go away and the best way to deal with it is to educate yourself and in a way, get desensitized to it. They also encouraged me to stop watching the majority of the ‘ghost’ shows on tv.

Here I am, going on my third year with the team, working as Case Manager and Pulic Relations. I have gotten my Reiki II certificate and between MPS and practicing Reiki. I am slowly learning whats what. Sometimes I am still disapointed I wasn’t debunked. But other days….its magic. I get thoughts, feelings, memories, and sometimes direct quotes from Reiki clients. I am now getting that from team members without laying a hand on them. When a gentle breeze flutters something by I send out a text message to the team member I feel. There are some surprizing results.

The fear of being wrong or looking like an idiot is fading. Now on investigations, if I feel the energy is there, I say so. If I feel its male or female, I say so. To get confirmation of this with an EVP is still mind boggling. My logical side says brains and bodies work with an electrical system that sends messages to different body parts and muscles. There is a muscle memory. Being able to sense and move that energy already. I assume my body and brain just interprets the ‘data’ in the other person’s energy.

In the process of all these questions and investigations I have found a practise that has given me inner peace. In a physical world where I am unable to normally process the sense of touch, I have been given a way to interact with people around me thats more comfortable and less stressful to me. Maybe that in of itself is an answer. When one sense is lost or malfunctions, the others get stronger.

I watch and feel the ebb and flow of the team’s energy. I know they are good people. Kind hearted and hard working, they honestly care about each other. They really enjoy each other’s company.

Scary times will always happen. Although some attention needs to be paid, its not whats important. The people you encounter while walking this path is the source of comfort. Someone to sit with you when your feeling low. Someone to give you a ride on a cold winter’s night.

Free falling is the best place. Its the one time you are truly in the present, enjoying the company around you. Absent is all the job stress and money issues. With every decision you make, you chose who you are. I am confident my team members will always chose to be a friend to each other. And in that one decision, it makes us Maine Paranormal Society.

The comfort I gain from my new friends and team members will help me through these scary times. The guidance my feet have gotten from my unseen friends will get me where I am going. I am starting to wonder if they were guiding me to a new career all this time.